Felt lonely and left out at times

Don't really know what is wrong with me this few days...Been acting strange and always in the middle of no where i felt that i always get left alone or no one cares for me. I really don't know how to describe myself right now. The feeling is like i am lonely and always get emo for i myself don't know what is the main reason. Whenever someone tells me that he/she talking to jiejie and i feel that my jiejie don't wanna talk to me...Well i know she cares for me and i also know she don't have time for me cause she is busy with her work but sometimes i felt that i always get left out or maybe i just think too much...I understand her but sometimes its really hard for me, at least sometimes when i need her she will be there to help me out and advice me i appreciate that...Well i guess i just think too much bah...She told me before when her semester starts she wouldn't have much time with me soo yea...Oh well no matter what happens she is still my sister always.

Today i talked to my mom about jiejie, she said i shouldn't tell jiejie so much things and blah blah. Cause she scared later on we both might quarrel or anything else happen that can break me and jiejie up and i will get hurt badly. Well, i know sometimes jiejie will listens to me and jiejie wont tell much about herself but sometimes i really needed someone to listen to me when i am sad..I dont know whether me and jiejie later on will have anything happen between both of us. I really wish not. But no one will know what happen next time other than God. Will jiejie leave me alone or me and jiejie will have something happen and wont be sisters anymore? I guess if that happen i bet i will get hurt really bad.. Sometimes what my mum say its true, but i doubt it cause i trust jiejie wont be like that unless it really happens with my own eyes then i will believe. Sigh...sometimes other people tells me something about her that i don't know oh well but usually she will tell me but its abit later on..What i wish for now is hopefully she comes to my birthday party coming soon i hope she can come or maybe will she even remember when is my birthday but oh well that doesn't matter i just wish/hope she can comes thats all i want this year cause she is my sister...Hope i can have this dream come true all i can do is pray and hope..Well i will stop here no point writing on ciaoz...