Random.....just wanna tell it out

Don't really know why i am blogging now but oh well....Time really passes very fast another new day hard to believe the day i doesnt want it to come and it really came soon....Although its really hard for me to go on but i still have to face it on my own...I wish my brother is here with me to go through this together but he is gonna face his exam soon soo he cant come sigh...I have to do this all alone.. T_T if i get to choose who to go with i would really be happy to do so but sadly i cant....Nowadays been thinking what will happen if this happen and what will if this wont happen will i still have a happy time? i tell ppl and ppl told me not to think too much...guess i really think too much but i will be going to the "torture chamber" on tuesday dont feel like going but i have to go T_T i wish i am dead by now then i dont have to go at all and i dont have to be sooooo fan like now made me cant sleep well every night...suffering like crazy...U always wish to be like this but it always turns out the other way round i really dont understand sometimes...well i guess life always have ups and downs but i guess mine is always on the down side huh.....

Lets talk about something else bah....

College life now still consider ok...but still a bit hard for me to cope up with...some still can understand some i need the reference book but i know as long as i work hard i will really succeed i dont wanna let anyone who have hopes on me to be disappointed...and also i doing this for myself not because of a promise or anything i want to tell myself that i can actually do it...i can actually score good grades...but i dont know why his blog(nic) always have to talk about me... i really dont understand....why just because of one small thing and u doesnt talk to me i dont get it....but to me i dont care at all whatever u doing or u talking to me or not is not gonna affect me at all....To me now studies are more important than anything else...nth can replace that place...Studies now is my 1st priority now...

hmmm really happy that dad bought me a new phone w880i something that i wanted quite awhile but really weird that why did he bought it for me? he rarely buy things for me and now he buying me a phone thats a bit weird....but still i got to thank him...maybe he bought this for me as a reward? or maybe coz of the "torture chamber"? i dont know....oh well dont wanna think about it but still thanks dad....If you happen to read my blog i know why did that happen and i doesn't hate u for that because no matter what you are still my dad but i know that you are sorry for that....=) love u dad....

argh....i got homework to do but i am lazy to do so...oh well i shall stop here....need to get prepared to get to go "torture chamber" on tuesday....cya tataz